Only
the smaller
foil-wrapped
Santas
are made of chocolate
through and through.
The big ones are hollow inside.
Equestrian bronzes are also built
on a void—impressive
but empty,
like pledges of total reform
on the cusp of every New Year. Oh yes!
I’ll be a slimmer, richer, more loved,
much happier person this year
than last.
Tied to cycles,
watching heat follow cold
and galaxies revolving
and generations reenacting parents’ triumphs
and mistakes, we so seldom pause
to note that big C change
is rare. And this life of mine,
for all its blanks
concerning how
and when
finis will come,
is fairly set. I am
who I am. Nothing I do
will make me smarter by much
or funnier or most sought after
or classically beautiful,
and, really, I’ve zero desire
to reject the fundamental me,
which isn’t twisted or lazy or cruel
or gnawed with envy
of those who’ll lavishly party
this dying year into history.
The principle of bigness
applies here, too: after tonight’s
grandiose or more modest affair,
horrible headaches
and mountains of empties
and dismal visions of puffed up lives
like celebratory balloons always in danger
of popping.
Yet we are,
willynilly,
alive,
and I, for one,
have found joy enough
to neuter the bleakness that crashes in
and overwhelms, for long spells,
what’s good and thoughtful and generous,
meaning I, too,
might have been better
and can be, perhaps.
So these lapses I would cite—and pledge,
not as vast ambitions or feats demanding leaps
over chasms of improbability,
given the past of the species and my own,
but simply as freshened intent
toward greater kindness,
modest acts of amelioration,
humane errands
actually run.
Imagine
a cairn by a high snowy pass,
a pile of many insignificant stones,
stones ready to hand and easy to heft,
stones heaped up by people we’ll never know,
stones signing the way to safety
and warmth.
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